The human mind has always fascinated me

The drab sound transports me instantly the the far reaches of the universe, the contrast between the places illustrated by the augmentation of the glimmer in the eyes. I see no surreal architecture, no glow from the stars, only vast plane grasslands under the crystal blue sky, the lucid white clouds only accentuating the chaste blueness of the skies.
Soaring high above the water to find my own restrictions blocking my freedom, and the sun begins to scorch. The drop serving to cool only the outermost layers, but its only when the tip of my toes touch the water, the goosebumps become apparent all over my forearms. Mind so easily miscible with the cold water, it diffuses into the sea through my ears, tiny hair tingling my insides as it flows out.
Waves pass through as if they fail to acknowledge my existence, yet i find myself immersed in the immense joy of the rocking motion from the cool cradle, constantly floating towards an unknown destination.

The rude awakening from the stab in the back aggravated by the humiliation of the wound. At times like these i wish i didnt have friends, but then who would conceal me during my endless slumbers?

The piercing light giving a false sense of clarity when shrouded by darkness, the dirt so long left uncleaned that absence of it brought about a sense of uneasiness, has it been hiding the blemishes all along or was it a shortfall in my abilities which enabled it to elude my eyes for months?

strum away, write away into the endless days

the yarn tightly wounds around all the mundane thoughts, accumulated, hoping for the only outlet which was under my control. Bound so tight that eventually all the grey matter starts to ooze out and finally it explodes on itself, with nowhere to go but back to its origins.
I try to pull on my hair, but all that my hands grasp is the mud of time, not the sands of time. With the bits clinging on to my face i try to regain my composure but only to know the futility of my wasted attempts.
The fate's empty warnings echoes through the battlefield, just as an empty vessel makes noise-thats all there is, noise. There is no voice of submission, only battle-cries from within the helmets bouncing off the shields and bones, resonating within the hollow skull. Oh how i wish it were hollow, only if, only if....

The dull orange stares at me, constantly laughing at me for using it for so mundane a purpose, I'm tired of your euphemisms, but that makes a whole different story all together.
Thats all he ever says- strum away, strum away, strum away, strum away, but why do i like it so much, i fail to see the attachment, if only everything was as clear as i wish it to be and yet again the dull orange light brings me back to the reality.

first step

i woke up to a slight lack-of-sleep-induced-headache today and the banging on the door didnt help things.
sleep deprivation does strange things to your brain, it introduces a kind of static that one sees on TVs into your head and its intensity is directly proportional to the number hours you spent last night doing anything but sleep. The static's there in every thought that passes through your head and you get the feeling of a hangover, now that i think about it, there is no demarcation line between this and a hangover, to an observer it looks the same and you yourself feel like shit.

Another day, another casualty....sounds like the lyrics of some song
as i write this, my aunt gets the dreaded call-dreaded by me, more bad news....why cant they just let me be, mind his own fucking damn business. As the conversation proceeds my heart starts racing, nothing good can come from that tone of voice and yes there goes my last hope of peaceful days......

iam on fire

you fucking bitch!! you took all that you wanted from me and this is what i get in return?? i wasted away my time staring at the wall looking at the void space within myself thinking it was never there. I'll never again receive your calls, DIE BITCH go fuck yourself. Didnt you feel slightest bit of pity for me, you are like me in more ways than one, you are more like me than i myself am and yet you are contemptible.
every problem is an opportunity in disguise, i see the opportunity and i made use of it, yet iam not thankful to you, iam one step closer to my goal than i was an hour ago and its alll because of you. i might never have thought of it if i had gotten what i wanted and yet all i feel is contempt.
Now that you have given it to me, i dont hate you anymore and everything i thought in the meantime turned out to be useless crap and i wasted so much of my time, all those minutes i spent cursing you...wasted....but will i ever know what iam doing is worth the time? or will the realization dawn only when its already too late.
Whats the use of that bloody hammer hitting my head when iam already bleeding profusely, weeping, when my tears emit that sweet scent of mud that takes me to another high but iam too depressed to enjoy what i have created, its already too late for that, i had my chance and i missed it........

futile attempts

what makes me so special? is it the fact that i consider most people around me as idiots, or is it that i despite hating them to the core i cant live without them and i spend most of my conscious time battling it out in my head, lashing away at them even though they havent done anything appalling.
Words are your weapons mohnish he says, can i make them bleed through their stomachs, can i cut them open with my words so that their insides spill out, staining my thoughts red? were my thoughts this perverted from the beginning or did writing it out make it gory.
world bloody hell! damn you! fuck you! i dont give a damn about you or what you say, especially what you say! then why is it that iam so frustrated with you. You have done nothing but shape me into what i am right now, i love what iam, i love who i am, i love the things i think about, i love to think that you could never even dream to think about the thoughts that i think of but yet i waste my time conforming my thoughts, trying to prove to you and the whole world.
You represent everything thats wrong with the world, at the same time you are also the embodiment of everything thats right with it, if you have shaped me into what iam and who iam and despite loving myself so much why do i hate you?
is it that i hate you for everything thats wrong with you or do i hate you because iam all alone and the very reason for this solitude being you. why isnt there a single person unable to understand me, who cant conform my thoughts, who cant think of the things that i think of?
Do i believe that cos it makes me feel special, but it makes me lonely too and i hate the solitude.....